It is that time of year again. I said goodbye to Pedro, the last one left from last years babies a few weeks ago, as Xavi, my eldest took him on a little walk, and told him he needed to find a new home. Xavi came back a few days later. Now, I have a new admirer, a gorgeous tabby boy, who has come to challenge Xavi for my affections and become Daddy to this years babies. After a day of fighting, they have both vanished today, so who knows what is happening, maybe tomorrow I will find out who is to be the daddy this year. I have done my best to impress the new boy, rolling on the floor, mewing and then running away, and he chases me, and then Xavi pops up and stares at him, growling. After a while they run, scream and fight for few seconds then it all starts again.
In a few weeks I will have to find a secret place to have my babies, away from those wretched dogs, and now the blasted chickens, maybe the barn, maybe the stable who knows, last year I made a nest and had them in some leaves!! At least when the babies come, the people here tend to feed us more often, every day even and help me with the babies. Here is me with the babies from last year 🙂
Oh My God! You would not believe the weather we have had for the last two weeks. We have been ankle deep in mud, and all our food has got wet, and we even look like Suri’s, this has not been good. My hair is in a right mess! We spent days watching the rising river, as it washed away much debris and even a car from the road, but of course, we couldn’t help, we are just alpacas, after all 😉
Here is a photo of me in the rain.
Thankfully for the last two days the sun has been shining once again, so we can get our hair dry and have a mooch about. When it’s raining, we don’t tend to move very far, just stand there looking particularly sad.
Santa has been a little bugger recently, he keeps trying to fight with the big boys, but he always gets angry if they hurt him and screams in their faces. I try to stay out of the way, but sometimes, I get caught up in the mood, and I try a few sneaky little nips, but don’t really get involved. It’s all too much for me, I leave them to it.
Wake up. Run around in circle three times. Howl loudly. Get let out before eating anything I shouldn’t. Run around in circle three times. Check the perimeter of the courtyard just in case anything has changed overnight, and make sure the frogs are still there. Listen for the big dogs being taken out. Howl. Bark excitedly until they get back. Now it’s our turn. Run around like a lunatic, three more circles, pick up Geri’s lead, more circles, jump at the people. Stand rigidly still and stare at funny shaped animals. Then run off at speed and nearly strangle myself on lead. Walk. Eat olives and acorns off floor. Come back. Stare at strange animals again. They’re still there. Come in and jump in water, jump on people. Eat some poo while waiting for breakfast. Annoy Geri. Bark at alpacas. Dinner time. Run around in big circles and jump on Geri’s head. Eat dinner. Get angry with food because I can’t open my mouth very far. Run into toilet to collect some tissue to eat half way through dinner. Get let out.Check perimeter again, just in case. Check frogs. Have a little sleep. What’s that? Check perimeter again. Check frogs. Bark at alpacas. Go back to sleep, siesta time. Wake up. Pull washing off line. Run around dragging in mud. Eat some poo. Bark at alpacas. Dry hump Geri. Fight Arthur. Run around in circles. Jump on people. Wait for dinner. Dinner time. Run in more circles. Run in apartment. Run out of apartment. Eat dinner. Go out. Check perimeter. Hassle Geri. Go in for the night. Run in bedroom pick up sock. Get sock taken off me. Jump on sofa. Jump off sofa. Go in bathroom and collect tissue to eat. Get tissue taken off me. Jump on sofa. Jump off sofa. Go to kitchen have a drink. Jump on sofa. Someone comes in room. Jump off sofa. Get told off. Jump back on sofa. Dry hump Geri. Jump off sofa. Get told off. Jump back on sofa. Go to sleep.
I have finally had five minutes to myself to get down my story. I seem to have been given the name Audrey, which to be honest sounds rather like and old woman’s name to me. My friends who came with me when we escaped from that clucking farm, Jean, Jess, Mabel, Eileen and Marge are all here too. We have been stuck inside this jail for eight days now as Marge caught a clucking chest infection and we have to be kept inside. I would much rather be out exploring, digging in the poo and finding myself some insects.
The day we escaped we hatched a master plan that meant we had to pretend to be dead for a while, and when the scary man came and picked us up, he went and put us in a box. I’m sure he didn’t know we were alive, we were perfectly silent. Some people collected us, and when they opened the box, we all moved around slowly together, so we didn’t scare them too much, because obviously they expected dead chickens and then gradually, as they got used to us we began to move around more and more. I think the plan worked, we are all used to each other now.
This new place is clucking great, we have free rein to go wherever we want to, and some of the girls have even found escape tunnels so we can get out for little trips without the people knowing. If they catch us they come running after us and grab us, but most of the time they are gentle, not like at the old place where that horrible man used to grab us by the legs and carry us upside down like we were some sort of clucking handbag.
The only thing here I don’t really understand is I don’t seem to be able to have babies. I keep trying, I lay my eggs and I sit down in front of the giant cockerel, but every day the eggs are gone and there are no babies. Anyway there are always clucking cats hanging around that I’m sure would eat me and the girls if they were brave enough. If they come anywhere near us we have devised a plan that means we squawk loudly and run around for a few seconds like a lunatic. Normally this scares of the cats, but sometimes it freaks out those ugly things with long necks and they try and jump on us. Never got us yet though, we’re much too quick for them 😉
I really enjoy going to sleep here on my luxury bed, it seems to be made from a kind of animal skin, maybe the ugly ones, I don’t know, but it’s much better than the metal boxes we were born in.
I supposed I had better wrap it up here for today, the people are coming with our food and medicine, hopefully it won’t be too much longer, although we can’t understand what they are saying, they speak in some kind of foreign language, it’s definitely not Spanish, and we are of course, Spanish chickens!!
Well I was the first dog to live here, and I never really expected there to be others. I had always been loyal and well behaved and I thought that the people respected me for that, but almost as soon as we arrived here at the Olive Mill they started collecting other animals. Loads of other dogs, pain in the arse cats, strange animals with long necks and noisy birds. Even so, all of these I can handle, at a push, but the worst is the last little thing they brought in. ‘Shitface’ we call him, because all he ever does is eat poo. Since he arrived I can’t even go to toilet in peace as he follows me to get at my poo as soon as it hits the ground, so now I have to go while I’m walking. Sometimes he even gets his ‘lipstick’ out and stands over me gyrating, but I’m too old for all that, I just ignore him.
I love the weather here, and it means I can live outside all year and get a good suntan, but in the summer it’s too hot for anyone really, I’m not even that keen on going out for my walks in the summer. I’m getting on a bit now, I’m nearly 100, and my legs are creaking and sometimes it’s difficult to stand in the mornings. Nowadays the people have to help me onto the soft bed at night, otherwise sometimes I fall, and that can be embarrassing. I wouldn’t mind if it was just Carlos, he would understand, but little ‘Shitface’, he’s just annoying.
Since we moved here, I’ve had one operation and now I’m on daily drugs for my arthritis, but I’m sure the weather helps with that, and as long as the drugs keep working and I’m strong enough to go for my walk and get away from the others or shout at the big ones and tell them off if they need it then I’ll be happy.
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I was the first ‘Olive Mill Animal’ as I was here before these people and those blasted dogs even arrived. I was only young but I had managed to secure myself a place in the barn, sleeping in the hay at night and making a living catching and eating mice and baby birds. I was restricted to the barn area because the people before had their own spoilt cats that got to live in the house, but at night they would come out and chase me off, they didn’t like me being around.
After a few months, a big strong man came here looking for me, and we had a brief romance. I fell madly in love, and within weeks I fell pregnant for the first time. As with all men, as soon as he found out, he did a runner, and I never saw him again, leaving me to bring up three babies all on my own. You wouldn’t believe how hard that first year was, I never felt well, and the babies were draining all my energy. It was just then, when I was at my lowest, when the new people decided to start giving us some extra food. They used to leave it out for us and then we would go and eat it once they had left, we didn’t want to be caught and sent away.
After a few weeks we began to realise that the people were happy for us to live here, as they continued to feed us sometimes, and when they had visitors, the children always gave us lots of food.
After the babies were grown up and I stopped feeding them, in the spring I was swept off my feet my yet another young man, and soon after I gave birth to another three little babies. This time there was no happy ending and after a few short weeks, the babies left with their uncles to make a new life for themselves, I guess they didn’t really like it here. That only left me here, with one of my elder sons, Denise, who goes off from time to time but sometimes comes back for food. Everything was great until a man came along to try and win my affection, and Denise took it upon himself to fight him off. After that things turned ugly, Denise sexually abused me and then left home, once again I was pregnant and alone.
This time when the babies were born I decided I would tell the people that live here, so hopefully they would give me and the babies some more food. So I had the babies in the barn, in the hay and shouted loudly at the people to come and see. They came, they saw and they cuddled the new babies, but by now I wasn’t worried, and I knew if I played my cards right I would get food and milk too. So for the next few weeks, we lived the high life, and then in the summer I was able to fend for myself and my family when the birds move back in and have their babies, they are very easy to find and eat. We always eat well at this time of year.
Now that I get fed more, and therefore have more healthy babies, every so often I have to tell some of the older babies to pack their bags and leave home, as soon as they are old enough to start their own families. To be honest the people seem to find this strange and they are always looking for the babies even after they have gone. Occasionally the children will visit, for a homemade meal and a quick visit but these days it’s not very often, they are out living their own lives, and raising their own families.
I have just managed to finish feeding this year’s babies and I guess we will be huddling down for winter very soon, but soon enough I’m sure I will get a visit from a man, and then I will end up carrying his babies for a while then the whole vicious circle starts again. I suppose I could try and move away but I just thank my lucky stars that I have a warm and comfortable place to stay at night, and some regular food through the harsh winters. If having babies every year is my price to pay for that, then that is the burden I have to take. Speak to you soon.